Sometimes that is all you can say…it goes on.  I find myself in a strange place.  My life is still in disarray and I can’t seem to get on top of that.  There is Christmas music playing everywhere and I have a tree with lights out in two tiers sitting in my (new) house.  I had decided not to decorate it, even though I actually know where those decorations are.  I decided the cheer of lights would be enough this year.  And then I plugged it in.  Lost my motivation in seconds.

I also went back to my old house to get the rest of the “stuff” from my basement.  Of course, once again, my new house, and garage, are full of boxes and stuff.  I just get it some semblance of order and more stuff comes in.  I still think there spots for most things to have a place but my energy for finding those places in pretty low.  I know that it will feel better once my home has some order.

Meanwhile back at work we are on the holiday train which is speeding towards the station and there is no getting off.  Gifts to buy, kid recitals galore, and you still have to feel them three meals a day.  Sigh.

My house is closer to being sold but in my present state of mind I am waiting for the glitch, the request for things to be fixed, the buyer not getting a loan…it weighs on me more than I like to admit.  It requires, in the middle of already being frantically busy, faxes, emails and phone calls to lawyers and realtors and argg.

And Christmas is coming.  The first one without my Mom.  It is hard to know how that will feel.  We had a good Thanksgiving.  I certainly missed her presence and there were hard moments but the rest of us were together and that helped.  Thanksgiving night a group of us, including my Dad, went to see Mary Poppins.  It was “practically perfect in every way” and a good end to the day.  My Dad was a little worried about dozing off during ithe show but with all the action and singing it found that impossible.  I’m wondering what new adventures we can come up with at Christmas.

And then after Christmas, my niece and I again get on a plane and fly to St. Maarten to meet up with the family I work for to spend a week with them.  I am really, really looking forward to that.

So life, it goes on.  In grief and laughter, in friends and family, in new places feeling like home and letting go of old places, in frustration (internet not working at home, again) and the simple pleasures of Lucia celebrations.

Life…it goes on.

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